The need to unplug

Sunday night and I’m dispatching. That means 7 hours of playing on digital devices. I am way too plugged in. Unless I’m sleeping then I am looking at one of three electronic devices that I possess. Today I came to the conclusion that being “on” that much is becoming harmful to me. I live inside of a digital world. Except for one hour of the day I am inside. Every morning around 11:30 I go lie in my hammock and catch some rays. The sunshine is really good for me. It nourishes my soul. It gives me vitamin D. It caresses my skin. For that one hour I meditate. So I am in an alternate state. I realized that I am not living in the moment. I’m always distracting myself and not always with the right stuff.

I have “liked” several pages on Facebook that have to do with being bipolar in a way to keep me tuned in to what is new with my disease. I have found these sites to be damaging as it seems that they are all trashing the use of meds to maintain. I can’t imagine myself without medication. No, not true; I know who I am when I am not on meds and I am one hot mess. I don’t want to be like that. So, if it means being a good little girl and buying into the big pharmaceutical companies I have to do it. I can not be trusted without meds. I don’t mean that I am deceitful; I mean that my moods cycle so rapidly that they get mixed and I just become pissed off. I do pissed very well. I can be the most evil bitch. I think the most frightening things and I start hearing voices. Yikes! It’s either that or I become super manicky. This can be a mixed blessing. I have tons of energy, require little sleep and hear voices. When I’m on meds I’m just sort of normal. I like normal Wendy. She is a good person.

I like being on an even keel. I like enjoying things in the moment. That’s why I need to unplug more. I have set aside a couple of hours a day for just myself. I can sun myself and exercise and take some time for me. I like the idea. From 11 till 1 will be Wendy time. Yeah, I like that idea just fine.