I Got My Dog Because I Drank Too Much Beer

My dog is stupid. He is a year and a half old and I think he’s ADHD. He is relentless in his pursuit of affection. He loves nothing more than to get pet. He drives me nuts. He is a total terror of a puppy and he’s an eating machine. That dog loves food. He knows he isn’t going to get any but he will try his hardest even going so far as to try to snatch things. He is a bad boy. I must be going about it wrong because he refuses to learn. He jumps. He barks. He tries to steal food. He is just a menace. I have tried everything from time outs to knock outs and everywhere in between. Will he grow out of it and if so, when?

 

He reminds me of my last dog. He was a beautiful all white male pit. His name was Diesel. He was a great dog. He was quirky though. I rescued him from the pound. They suspect he had been a fight dog. He was the biggest love bug. He was so non-confrontational. He just grooved, until it thundered. That’s when he would go berserk. Oddly enough he would break out of the house and go running around terrified in the storm. I never could get his logic there. Stay in the nice safe house or go run around in your worst nightmare. He would always run. He broke out of the screen porch many times.  Mike even put plastic lattice up on the inside at dog level so that he couldn’t jump out of the screen. Diesel ate the damn lattice. He destroyed one of the screens in my front window on a stormy day by jumping out of it. He was also an attention hog. He loved a good belly rub. He loved to have his little ears scratched. And, he gave lots of kisses. It was tough to put the old boy down but he had dementia and it was causing him a great deal of anxiety. I know what it is like to live with debilitation anxiety so I could sympathize with my sweet boy. So, at the age of 13 I put him down. It broke my heart. I swore I would never get another dog.

 

Fast forward a year and I’m on a business trip in California. I was staying at a Homewood Suite and they have free beer from 5 to 7 every night. I got lit up pretty good and went back to my room and got on the computer and found this dog that I absolutely had to save. He was going to be put down in the morning unless the rescue society could find him an owner. He was only 6 months old. I couldn’t let him be put down so I adopted a dog sight unseen. I get a little manicy when I drink and tend to act on impulse. (Another good reason why Wendy should not drink beer.) The next day I flew home and went to meet the dog. I fell madly in love. He was so sweet! He was gentle and loving; everything you would want in a dog. He was also and Academy Award Nominated Actor. I got the dog home and thought this is going to be great. He was so mellow. He just kind of hung out. He was also on pain killers because he had just had his nuts lopped off. When he ran out of meds he started to show his true colors. He is a fucking maniac. He is so far from the dog I met at the pound. Don’t get me wrong, he does spend a lot of time just chilling but as soon as you make eye contact with him it’s game on. This dog, like his predecessor, likes to jump through screens. He jumps in instead of out. He jumps over the lattice and through the screen. That means he has to jump about 4 foot off of the ground to clear the lattice. He has destroyed on corner of my screen porch. He’s always breaking in. Mike insisted that we name him Diesel because I some how had found the reincarnation of my old dog. That is a fact. They are the same dog. How do I do it?