Yay, me!

“Blaming is so much easier than taking responsibility, because if you take responsibility…then you might be to blame.”

I just started the first chapter of the book “The Pursuit of Happiness: 21 Spiritual Rules for Success”. The chapter is titled, “Understanding You are a Reflection of Your Choices” I’ve been choosing to be sad lately. I just figured that out. I’m not clinically depressed, I’m situationally depressed. I’m just not digging life right now. I’m trying, but it’s not working out very well. I need to just take a few deep breaths and let go of the bullshit. It isn’t so bad. Life is now peaceful because I choose peace. I choose love. I choose happiness. I need to commit a little more to my effort. I guess I haven’t been very kind to myself in the last few weeks. Haunted by old ghosts. Not my favorite sport. So, this morning while I was mowing the lawns I came to the realization, I am choosing to make this harder than it is. I’ve been putting a lot of effort into that lately and blaming it on something else. That something else is trivial and I’ve been through it at least 43 times you would think I would know better than to latch on to that train. I started to jump on  then abruptly stopped; dead in the middle of it. I thought to myself, “You know what? I don’t have to have this conversation.” At least, I think I thought it. I may have said it out loud. In any event, I choose at that moment to break another habit. I figure if I can stay quit smoking then I can quit all the bad things in my life. I consciously walked away. I’d like to say I bowed out gracefully however, that is not the case. I just hung up the damn phone mid sentence. I choose not to have that same argument ever again. I took responsibility for my feelings; something I have not been doing lately. I need to stop the negative talk and be my own biggest cheerleader. I can do this. I have been through much worst than this and came out better on the other side for surviving it all. Again, a choice. So fuck all that shit! Let’s have some fun. Love is what it’s all about and I have an abundance of that. Yay, me!